Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Acts of Charity

Megan Fox's the next Angelina Jolie???

The great Angelina Jolie (aka Saint Angie) descends from the sky in search of her replacement.

"I require someone who is everything I stand for- beautiful, smart, kind and most importantly- have good taste when it comes to adopting children."

Many have tried, but failed.


Too fat.

Jessica Simpson

Too dumb.


Too crazy.


Almost screwed up her kid adoption.

Having grown restless, she sits at her throne awaiting the next brave soul who seeks to replace her duties as the goddess the media (and children of africa) worships.

"Now who stands before me?"

"Its me, Angelina. Megan Fox."

"Im here to audition for the role of this decade's new saint."

"Very well, Miss Fox."

"Oh btw, call me Highness."

"We aren't that familiar."

"Let's begin. The first test- do you have tattoos on your body?"

"Yes your highness. I came prepared with eight."

"And one on my crotch has my ex-fiance's name, Brian on it."

Brian? As in Brian Austin Green? The crap actor from 90210?

You have poor taste in men.

Fortunately so do I.

Brad Pitt: "Should have stuck with Jen".

"Everyone either wants to be me, or do me."

"How much of a sex symbol are you?

"Well, I am FHM's and Maxim's sexiest woman of the year in 2008, runner-up in 2009."

Cheryl Cole: "Im the sexiest bitch alive!"

"haha looks like you lost out to Cheryl Cole this year."

"bitch, please. you weren't even in the top ten."

"Any recent acts of charity?

You know Im really into the whole humanitarian thing.

Shoots.... does having sex with Brian count?

No one really likes him.

Now that's REAL charity.

"Ok lastly, hows your acting career coming along?"

"Well I did Transformers, and Jennifer's Body."

"Oooo... Jennifer's Body?

Tell me more about it.

"In the film, I play Jennifer, a real popular girl who turned evil and started eating guys. She also stole her best friend's boyfriend. Well in the end, she got stabbed to death by her friend."

St Angie: "Hmm... in other words Jennifer is a bitch who steals men and ends up dying a horrible death?"

"Well..pretty much, I guess?"

"You pass."

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